Sighs

Just had a huge fight with my 2nd bro again.... Why do we fight? Because i accused him on simply downloading stuff into my comp (well, that's not really the point), i locked the administrator account because i don't want others to simply install programs into my comp which made it slow like my previous OS so i don't need to reinstall it from time to time... How i wish i have my own space and my own room my own toilet and etc so things wouldn't be like that... Ok, i admit i have attitude problems, I always want things to go my way or in other words: i do things the way i like it, i always want things to be perfect.. And i always critic on others without looking at how suck i am, i always think I'm very kind, I'm perfect and etc... Sighs... I don't need all these shit!!!! I guess I'm a blackship of this Poh family... Can't wait to have my own permanent and stable job and earn my own money and buy a cozy house of my own... If they don't need me, then just throw me at the House of Orphanage instead... Cut out my name from the Poh family, or kill me if you want to since you'all think I'm a virus of this family... I feel like everything i did is wrong, i always want things to be perfect and wished everyone lived a harmonious life till the fullest, but it always fucked up and turns out to be crap!!!! I'm always envious of my friends family which doesn't fight with each other as well as their relatives and their parent's do not quarrel... Like Kenny and Jesper for example... See how happy their families are? See how they smile when they welcome their guest, you can tell they welcome you all the time from their heart...
Btw, i think I really "ARE" the blackship of this family, why? because i have the darkest skin among all, i looks more asian compared to my siblings, I'm sissy, the things i like is different than all of them, I'm dumb, I can't speak properly, I'm the one who undergoes transition, I'm the one who only had 1 date, I'm the one who eats a lot, I'm the one who have Panau filled all over my body, I'm the one who looks like as if I'm adopted from other family, and I'm the one my parent's spend the least on... (Well i think so)... I'm the one who have the ugliest teeth, I'm stingy, nasty and my hobby is singing!!!! Well, I'm odd rite? Guess you are nodding your head reading this blog... I think I'll go crazy with the stress i have in college and the stress i have at home... Well, i guess god just want me to struggle first and have a harmonious life in the future after i retire from everything...